The Hamel Happy Hour

Friday, December 14, 2012

Image Ruined

Recently I've had a bit of an identity crisis being so far removed from everything associated with "me."   So I decided that I was going to do something about it.  Here, I'm pretty much judged entirely on my outward appearance, and I decided that I was going to shoot for something that was style that looks nice and is easily recognizable, but still "me."

Rockabilly...but more on the house wife side of the 50's 'cause I don't really want to dye my hair and I have no tattoos.

I cuffed my jeans, put on my green converse, had on my cute flannel print, I curled my hair and put on full make up, because my husband asked if I wanted to volunteer and help Santa at a kid's party.   I looked great and easy peasy it's a kids party, and I can totally hang with kids.

What my husband didn't tell me is that it was a kids Christmas party for the entire Squadron

Also I would be dressed as an Elf.

An Elf.

I'm the center of attention for the entire squadron and instead of noticing that I look nice...I'm dressed in an extra large ELF costume complete with jingle bells.

And this will probably be on the Spouse's Network, The Ramstein Facebook and Kaiserslautern America.
Shoot me.

At least I have more of an identity instead of "Phil's Wife" I'm "Phil's Wife...You know the Elf."

I'm going to try and redeem myself at the upcoming Christmas Party.


Thursday, December 13, 2012

Identity.

     My mom would be proud of me.  I make the bed almost everyday, I clean the kitchen sometimes twice a day.  I cook all of our dinners, I sweep, swiffer, then mop a few times a week.   Our apartment is really quite clean.
     The apartment doesn't feel like it's mine though, but more importantly I don't feel like me.   I used to be super crafty, knows everything about Michael's, best babysitter Elena.   Now I am "Phil's Wife."   I love being married to my best friend especially when my best friend is friends with all my other friends, and vice versa...but here people only know me as "Phil's Wife."  I feel a little like I'm just playing pretend in someone else's house and that is why I hate the table and chairs and living room.
     I'm sure several newlyweds go through this, especially people in our situation where we both have been uprooted from our comfort zone and support system, it still feels like I'm a non-entity.

This is the living room, the chair, Phil's wife.



Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Big Change

My husband and I have talked about it, and we have decided to switch over to the "Paleo" lifestyle.   It's sort of halfway weightlifter's diet, halfway raw food.   A big factor for me deciding to switch was my good friend * Randy.  He wasn't a fat guy just a little pudgy and he decided to make the dietary switch he recently posted pictures and the change is pretty significant.

I myself am I little pudgy, I have a muffin top... and the beginning of bingo wings.  And while I work out 4-5 days a week any nutritionist/dietitian will tell you that most of the way your body looks depends on your nutrition.

Also most diets or meal plans marketed to women suck.   Everything label "low-fat" tastes like garbage and I would rather get a canker sore than eat egg whites on a rye cracker.  No way, not once, not NEVER.

I'm excited because I feel like I'm not actually denying myself all that much and that once we finally make the full transition that I'm really going to start noticing a change in my body, not just the outside, but that I'm going to actually feel better.  I'll be sharing recipes that pass the Elena taste test because nobody wants to switch to a lifestyle with gross food.

* His name is changed to protect his privacy

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Holy Granoly!

These granola bars are soft and chewy and the recipe offers a good base to try out different flavors.

Oatmeal Breakfast Bars Recipe

Here is the original recipe from Taste of Home.

Ingredients

  • 4 cups quick-cooking oats
  • 1 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1-1/2 cups chopped walnuts 
  • 1 cup flaked coconut
  • 3/4 cup butter, melted
  • 3/4 cup orange marmalade

Directions

  • In a large bowl, combine the oats, brown sugar and salt. Stir in remaining ingredients. Press into a greased 15-in. x 10-in. x 1-in. baking pan. Bake at 425° for 15-17 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on a wire rack. Yield: about 2-1/2 dozen.
Nutritional Facts1 serving (1 each) equals 182 calories, 10 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 12 mg cholesterol, 141 mg sodium, 22 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 3 g protein.
Originally published as Oatmeal Breakfast Bars in Quick Cooking January/February 2002, p15



Here are some of things we've tried to mix it up a little.

3/4ths cup of dried cranberries and a little cinnamon for a Christmas-y flavor.

Peanuts instead of walnuts, raspberry jam instead of marmalade and a healthy dose of mini chocolate chips.  

Here is what we will try next.

Apple chunks, honey, and cinnamon.

Dried blueberries, and maple syrup.

Dried blueberries and lemon curd.

Apricot and butterscotch.

If they come out too hard for your tastes, all is not lost...just crumble it and you've got yourself some tasty regular granola.


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The 2nd Best Dip Ever.

Since I know some of you are crazy people who haven't set up Pinterest, I have taken it upon myself to share with you the 2nd* best dip I've ever had.



Ingredients:
1 8oz. brick of cream cheese
1 can of Ro-Tel tomatoes and chiles
1 can of canned white corn
Salt, pepper, and chili powder, to taste

If you like it spicy add half a serrano chile finely diced.

I made made mine on the stove.  Turn your burner to low and then add the cream cheese to a medium sauce pot.  While the cream cheese is melting drain both the corn and Ro-Tel and add on top, give it a good stir and then add your seasonings. Stir well and you're done.    Serve with Frito's Scoops**

* The actual best dip is Sausage Dip and I only get it once a year at Christmas.

** Unless you live in Germany, where the Commissary only sells Tostitos.

I'm thinking about adding some sausage and then serving it on a baked potato.  Or having the dip be my omelette filling.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Back in the Swing.

I am 100 % in love with Germany.   It snowed today.
 Reactions were as follows:
"SNOW!"

"... "

It's super not bad here though, there is plenty of traffic on the roads and I'm pretty sure the Germans are used to snow.   
Other than that things have been fairly routine while we try to settle and get things taken care of that need to be taken care of...except for the German carnival.

First off it's important to note that I'm pretty sure the legal drinking age is 18...but I'm pretty sure that beer vendors aren't carding either, also there are no open container laws here.   So I'm already on edge.   Also the Germans while very polite and helpful have different ideas on what is acceptable personal space...also not my favorite, but pretty typical for a carnival or fest.   The craziest thing though was this one ride.     we have something similar in the states, it's a big circle where everyone faces in and is standing and strapped in.  The ride spins and tilts and that's it, it's the same thing here...except you aren't strapped in, and the ride spins while people some of them drunken teenagers roll and slide all over the floor.

No thanks.

Also you can buy low quality sex toys in some public restrooms.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Our Temporary German Toilet

So far there has been too much to adapt to in our temporary living space except the bathroom most notably the vastly inconvenient door attachment but more on that later.

First there is the toilet.


That large grey rectangle above the toilet is the flusher.  You push down for flush and up to cancel your flush...I think.  I can't imagine what good it would do because this is what the flush looks like.

It also sounds like a jet engine.

And then there is the shower tub combo.  The tub is really nice, the faucet lies in the middle of the tub so which ever end you prefer to have your head at is comfortable, the tub is also very deep but there is no shower curtain.  Instead there is a four pane fold out glass door, by yourself it's not so bad but if you are sharing your shower with your husband who gets in first and closes the panes you have to fold in a pane get one foot in ( because the tub portion is actually more like a step up and in) and then sneak around the pane as you fold it out again.  

I tried getting both feet in and then unfolding only succeeding in hitting myself in the head with said pane.  It's also super important to remember that you had to step up to get into the shower, and likewise you must step down to get out.  







Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My experience with the Germans

Today was started out incredibly rough.  I was lonely, and crabby.  I woke up at two.  Bleh.   Around 7 I was able to Skype a bestie back home and get the new dish on some good drama, which was great.     The housekeepers came and I finally got a hold of my sponsor's wife Michelle to get a ride to the commissary.   My husband was home when I got there and I still was in a funk.   Now one tells you how stressful it is to move to another country, much more when the military is in charge.  I mean I'm sure I'll get used to it the more we do it... but for now it has been sucky.  

I found an apartment, around the middle of September and I emailed the guy letting him know when we land and that we are very interested in his apartment.   He told us to call when we got in, which we did and we played a little phone tag until Phil gave him a call and he volunteered to pick us up in his car and take us to the property.   He took us to the property and told us stories about his family while showing us room by room and telling us what he will personally take care of.

We started talking meat and potatoes about the rental and we offered to draw up a contract tomorrow, but instead of settling with tomorrow he invited us to his house for cake while he did the paperwork.   Turns out it was his wife's 63rd birthday and there was a small dinner party. He introduced to everyone and the sat us down and first gave us an angel food cake layered with cream and then topped with raspberries and gelatin.  We were offered coffee and someone piped in that while it was coffee it was "snipped" or "castrated" on account of it being decaf.   And the whole table erupted in loud laughter. The whipcream brand at the table was called "Milfina" and I tried to explain to a guest named Heinz why it was funny...he chuckled and explained to the other guests, who also chuckled. Peter (the landlord) offered us a slice of cheesecake and continued to give us tips about traveling in the country and good places to eat.  He offered to give us the key ahead of time with out us evening signing the final contract or filling out any application. He even told us not to worry abut the security deposit right away.  And then he gave be his umbrella to borrow and showed us a super short cut back to back to base.  Also it turns out he is a local senator and the manager of a minor league soccer team.  

So far every German I have encountered has been sweet, very polite and incredibly helpful.   Also .the Germans are super funny.   I'm super glad we met Peter the most hospitable and relaxed landlord EVER.  

Monday, September 24, 2012

Well, we're here now.

I haven't had my culture shock yet, largely in part because the German landscape her looks very similar  to lots of places in Washington.   Our temporary living quarters are very nice...even though a bit further off base than we would have liked, but it doesn't really matter because our sponsor and his family are eager to help us.   Hearing ravens instead of crows is unusual but other than that I think Germany and I will get along just fine.

The version of MTV in our hotel is all about the 90's.   First thing I saw was Jamiroquai and then En Vogue.   and I've been watching German reality shows because they sometimes show grocery stores and I try to write down the approximate price of everything I see in the background.

So far everything I've heard in English has been recording in the UK which makes me feel a little bit fancy.  

Jet lag is not my favorite.


Friday, September 21, 2012

Flight 1 and 2

I never sleep.   That's a lie. I do sleep, but most of the time there is some sort of chemical assistant.   I'm just an anxiousasaurus, and the thought of having my stuff moved my other people and me not being there.   So my my last day in WA I paced and I micromanaged and I panic attacked, and I went a little OCD and mini baggied my ENTIRE bead collection to fit them in my suitcase.   Like close to half my weight limit on one suitcase was beads.  

Here is my rationalization:   I have already parted with a lot of my belongings before and all my wedding presents have stayed in their boxes, so there is no emotional connection to the stuff. But my beads.   I hand picked all of them. I've touched all of them and spent hours dreaming what to do with them.  Also I felt like Smaug when I had all of the baggies of them.

Anyways, I was running on adrenaline.   Our flight was at 12:55 am. We got there early just the way I like it but both Phil and I are super running on empty, like the kind of tired where everything is pants poopingly funny and your volume control is kind of off.   My husband and I are masters at entertaining each other and what a better place than an airport full of people.  There was this gal in running gear ( Which is totally dumb...nobody works out in the airport at 11 at night) with bleach blonde hair and a fake tan and full make up (another thing people never wear when they work out you're not fooling anyone!) She was walking around with bitter beer face and then she had to spray herself with body spray.  Super rude. She decides she needs to sit next to Phil.  Which is cool I know my husbands is a total babe, but then she has to get on her phone.  Which happens to be the set up for one of my favorite games, where I pretend I'm the voice on the other end of the phone, but because I'm sitting next to my husband it looks and sounds like I'm talking to him.  So funny.

   A nice full flight, but we got the very back of the plane...which is the best spot 'cause it's next to the bathroom and you get a drink first.  Phil has the aisle I have the middle and then we have a tiny gal on the window.  The flight was ok, but the tiny gal had taken her shoes off...and kept tucking her toes under my thigh, and then because she was passed out she completely disregarded the armrest barrier. But it was a red eye flight so no biggie.

As soon as we got off in Minnesota we get back on a flight headed to Baltimore.
I passed out.
Couldn't keep my eyes open.

We got a hotel at the airport, but the shuttle driver passed us twice...the second time he made eye contact at pointed at the curb, and then drove off.  The hotel gave us free breakfast and let us check in at about 11 instead of the normal 3.  

All in all though it's probably the most relaxed I've been while traveling.  Except when I called my mom she told me that Frank cried.  Like literal doggie tears.  Man.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Almost Awkward.

Warning: This post deals with nudity.

Yesterday I was able to go to the Korean Women's Spa in Tacoma with one of my besties.  For those of you who don't know the Spa is a bathhouse that offers wonderful spa treatments.   Clothes are not an option. You get your pink shower cap, and a little cotton robe to sit in the hot rooms with, other than that you're just kind of hanging on out.

The bath house portion has a large very hot pool, a medium hot pool, a super cold pool with a waterfall and two much smaller lukewarm pools.  My friend and I were at the back end of one of the smaller pools which has a capacity of four people. She and I were facing each other so we could talk.  The pool is just wide enough for me to have my back against one wall, and my feet flat on the other wall, and I'm probably between a 28 and 30 inch inseam.

For the most part she and I are more interested in our conversation than what is going on around us.  I mean we are still sneaking peeks at the other patrons but for the most part just talking.  There were some other ladies in the pool with us, and she and I decided to leave and do something else.   Now we were sitting in the back of the pool and it's narrow anyways so both ladies stood to give us room to leave.  

But.

There was a problem.  These ladies were significantly more rotund than my friend and I so a facing forward approach to the stairs was not going to work.  I turned to do a little side step maneuver, and the gravity of the situation hit me.

I tried not to giggle while my friend followed suit and followed me into the next pool.

"Elena what is so funny?"

"Oh man...How terrible would it have been if I brushed boobies with that gal..."

Of course a giggle fit ensued but the spa was busy so one noticed.

Friday, September 7, 2012

9.7.12

I dunno if every military wife goes through this but PCS'ing or permanent change of station...ing is super not my favorite.   Moving is no big deal, I mean it sucks but I think in the last five or six years I've moved eight times.  Throw my stuff in boxes and then drive to the next place, unload and unpack and done.

Unless the military moves you.   Our circumstance is probably pretty different from a lot of folks in the service.  I live with my parents and so my whole former apartment is in one room with wedding gifts and larger art supplies in the storage space.   Having most of an apartment ( especially an artist/crafter's) in one room isn't ideal anyway, but I have a tendency to always be crafting, so my supplies are more stashed than anything else.

But other people will be moving me and touching my glue gun and ATG gun and my beads and my markers and my sketchbooks...thinking about it seriously churns my stomach.  However, I've read a bunch of advice from many many ladies who have gone a head of me and they all say that you can't document your stuff enough.  The kitchen was easy. Plates.  New in the box.  Mixer. New in the box...yadda yadda.  

I've counted and listed every marker and colored pencil.  I'm listing every brand and color and type of paint. And with my bead hoard (years of collecting) I've numbered each box and I'm in the process of counting and  giving a description of each bead within the box, and this is after I have taken a picture of the box with the number and the content of each bead box.  Disgusting.  

In other news, looking at German apartments is nigh unto porn.  Every apartment has really a nice bathroom and a huge tub... and they all have these amazing little details, like the painted over hearth from a century ago, hard wood floors that meet beautiful free form rock tile in the kitchen.

So Excite!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My First Craft Post.

Summer is wonderful, but Fall is where it's at.   More specifically Halloween, I like having an excuse to bear my macabre side a bit more than usual.   And because I couldn't wait to get started on my crafting this year I give you the Halloween Ribbon Hanging.

Materials:
A yard long wooden dowel
Ribbon in different patterns and widths.  I used five different types of ribbon in all different patterns
Scissors
A hot glue gun
Something to cap off your dowel ends, I used paper mache skulls
Acrylic craft paint

I painted my skulls first.  I used a blend of 1 part gold to 4 parts cream.

While the dried I cut my ribbon in different lengths and with no set pattern, I found that it's best if there is not more than a three inch difference between ribbon lengths.  After your ribbon is cut go ahead and glue the top of your ribbon to the dowel, I started at the edge of my ribbon and continued adding dots of glue until it's almost all the way around the dowel.

After your ribbon is on the dowel and the glue is cooled  go ahead and dovetail the ends of your ribbon.

To Dovetail:  Pinch the ribbon perfectly in half in your left hand.  Have your ribbon edges pointing down and with the scissors in your right hand cut and cut at an angle and to the left.  Some people prefer a more extreme angle, but it really comes down to what you like.

I then covered my skulls with Martha Stewart glitter paint, I like the Martha Stewart brand over other brands because the glitter is really fine and there is a slight tint to the base paint, and the base paint has a nice thickness to it.  I did a total of four coats and then with my trusty hot glue gun I glued the skulls on just behind the jaw.   I'm not sure if 'm gonna hang it just on the wall or over a door, but it turned out super spooky.   I also think I'm going to do one of these for every holiday I decorate for.


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

News

I tend to speak in short sentences and I haven't waxed poetic I swear since high school but with the possibility of seeing my husband growing nearer and nearer I pretty much can't help myself.

I understand that many people I know are not in my position, they get to see their spouse, lover, bit on the side, probably everyday.  However, it is because of my position that I feel so strongly about what I have to say.

Whoever you're with right now...Adore them.  Breathe them in. Worship every inch of their body, and every facet of their personality...everything that makes them who they are.  Love them just for the sake of having the experience of loving them and being loved deeply by them.   Be happy to share space with whoever this wonderful being is.   Stay in bed another ten minutes with them.   Laugh as loud and as often as you can.  

Don't do this for me, but for whoever you're with because they deserve nothing less than to be cherished by you.

And now back to me for the news.  I should know by Friday on whether a decision has been made on my medical clearance...apparently there seems to be issues with my allergy shots.   Hilarious.   BUT, if we are denied Phil will be home within a week to grab me and our stuff and head to Texas.  Either way it's awesome.   I cannot wait to be with my husband...and since I couldn't wait I bought another, that's right another stash of lingerie from www.lingeriediva.com.  We hadn't even gotten through stuff from the honeymoon before he left...we're totally set up for a good long while.  


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

8/22/12


Since vacation, my life has been fairly uneventful...just the way I like it.  Truth is I'm only writing now because the *Vicoden I took hasn't knocked me out like usual.

This block of time in my life is very much not my favorite.  My husband is gone and I'm living in my parent's house ( it's not like a dungeon or anything, but after having my own place and things the way I like living with your folks is lame.)

However during this time I've done a lot of things that a lot of people have never taken the time to do.

When it has been a hot day I've watched hummingbirds from the back swing fly way way up, by the tops of the pines and then bullet downwards making a sonic sort of peep as they almost clip another bird.  I've walked barefoot through the garden with soft warm smells of things growing filled my nose.   I've learned that  gooseberries are delicious...but they also have razor sharp thorns.

I made a bird friend "Freddy" who used to fly into the house and onto my shoulder and into my hand, I felt his little heart flutter in my palm while his bright black eyes looked back at me.  I've made bouquets from the roses and dahlias and other things I had found.  I've squeezed my own lemonade...and then added our own strawberries to sweeten it.

Just this week I've caught 11 butterflies.   I also learned that it's very important to make sure there not bees near your butterfly or you'll catch them too.

I've looked at the Milky Way and planets, watched a meteor shower, counted satellites.  I've smelled every single rose bush by the house.

I'm glad I haven't grown up yet, and as it stands I'm not planning on it any time soon.


* The Vicoden is because I have a few gnarly burns on both arms and one on my back...when I rollover at night it feels like someone has taken a potato peeler to my arms.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt.8 and The Conclusion.

Leaving the hotel was a little bit rough, mostly because there is a herd of kids who don't quite get why I'm so anxious to get home, but the breakfast was good and all in all we left without tooooooo much drama and I was all to happy to get out of SLC and on the road home.

I told Mckenna that I would give her 20 dollars if she stayed quiet for two hours.   Both Cathleen and I didn't tell her when her time was up. Northern Utah and Southern Idaho were still super boring...until we went through my first dust storm, it was extra special because it actually started to rain on top of the dust, pouring down mud on the car.   All in all though we made pretty good time to Boise so I felt that much closer  to home.   

Cathleen super needed a power nap from the drive, and I super needed a time out from the children, so I decided to take a quick shower when I got out of the shower Landon was scream-crying and the girls were trying their best to get him to behave  which usually means yelling at him, I can't blame them they are 10 and 8. However, I was super over it so with my hair wet and in my towel I poke my head out, and in my scariest nanny voice " IF BRANDON SCREAMS AGAIN ALL OF YOU WILL GO TO THE CORNER THERE WILL BE NO SCREAMING IN THIS HOUSE!"

Instant Silence.

I got to spend time with my cousin Julie and my cousin Jody....I hadn't seen Jody for almost 7 years.   All my   second cousins are turning into little grown ups and Liam the chubby adorable baby is a skinny but wickedly flirtatious nine year old.  Anina and Brenna are darling.   And I even got to see and get made fun of by Abe.   It was a nice way to end out my Boise visit.

                                                 THE LAST DAY OF THE ROAD TRIP

I woke up at 6:30...because I'm so excited to get home. So excited.  Uncle Tony is making waffles with strawberry jam Yum!  Landon does not want to eat his waffles, because the jam is on wrong.   Since I am a little OCD I clearly see how the jam is on wrong.  All of the waffle squares aren't filled.   Landon has superb taste...because everyone knows a waffle is gross if there is not strawberry jam in ever single square pocket.  ever since I was a kid I remember meticulously filling every square,  only then was it safe and tasty to eat.   So far so good, we get on the road right when we want to had a slip up with the directions which only costed us maybe 15 minutes and we were good to go.  

No traffic was happening, just the boring landscape to keep us company.  Cathleen asked if I had ever gone sparking.  Sparking is where you take wint o green life savers and chew them in the dark and you see sparks.   Cathleen tried to show me this, while I am the driver...and because I'm bored out of my skull I'm trying to look over. I tell her. "Cathleen  nothing bad could come out of these because I'm totally trying to drive a mini van full of someone elses kids at 80 miles and hour and trying to watch your lifesavers...we are super safe"   A giggle fit ensued.   We stop for drive through lunch and we are still making excellent time.   I see a license plate that I recognize so I honk honk honk, it was the lady I formerly stayed with and her kids coming back from their vacation in McCall but they had a funeral to go to in Boise and we were lucky enough to leave and be driving at the same ish time.

Still driving a long this are still going well Landon hasn't screamed once in the car like an angel.  Then we hear a loud pop and then car starts to shudder, I think it's a tire so I pull off and turn the hazards on, but the engine light is on and after we get out and check...all of the tires are fine.   I'm starting to panic a little but trying to keep my cool 'cause a guy pulled off the side of the road and was looking at the engine.   And then he pulled out a giant metal thing and a llittle metal and plastic bit, I totally lost my cool. I was up to my limit.

But Rebecca had seen us stop and called to see if we were ok and had enough room to take me and two other kids.  I took that offer almsot as soon as she said it, I did feel bad for leaving Cathleen but she has six kids that are all high stress and she is nigh unto zen, while I was diagnosed a few years ago with general anxiety disorder and I was shaking and hyperventilating a bit.    I was at my breaking point, and I'm thinking Landon would have had a meltdown being cooped up in an auto shop

Rebecca snagged me and the boys and the tow truck snagged Cathleen and the girls and everything seemed good, except I had a little trouble with forming sentences , and driving.   Finally everybody got home and safe, but I'm still very disoriented and off balance and really basic tasks are difficult. I figure I just tired and I go to bed.   

I woke up today still feeling very very out of it but I did manage to shower and get dressed and sit through church.  Landon sat with me for a while.  Cutie bug.   I talked to my parents about my symptoms and the consensus was that I was exhibiting body stress response.   Go figure.

I did learn a lot on this trip, about myself about special needs kids.  Would I do it again?  Hell no.  Am I talking with the kids about different things they wanna do one on one with me.  Absolutely.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 7

The hotel is wonderful because it has black out curtains, too bad children have a little alarm inside that goes off around 6 am.  

Remember last night, when I was super crossing my fingers about Landon getting back to sleep so he was sweet in the morning?   He did eventually go back to bad but as far as sweetness, little was too be had this morning, and it was a rough morning.  

But we got to go to the Children's Museum here so it wasn't too bad, minus the mini meltdown about Mckenna's hair and Hannah getting the what for from Cathleen ( Actually I was super stoked that Hannah got reamed a bit 'cause that kid works my nerves.)   The museum was great that had these bee hive ball chute-a-ma-jig, and a giant wooden xylophone in the first room.  In the next room it was a "Kids Eye View" a little mock city with a construction and a crane, a grocery store with checkstands and a deli, a car with a gas pump, a house with a kitchen and living room, a pretend lake with a boat and a giant swan and a farm with a vegetable garden a fruit tree and a horse you could climb on...and a rock wall.  Piss...and a water exploration station.  

Upstairs there was the sound and video production lab as well as a sort of physical science lab and a helicopter outside that your could "fly"   I gave probably a gazillion green screen news casts for different kids that wanted to try it but had no partner.  

Then there was the Bettie Page store.   It was wonderful, except the only thing I really REALLY wanted was  on back order, it's a super bummer because I would have looked great in it, and it made my boobs look huge.  :(.

Onward to a toystore...where I finally broke and picked up some of the Scherlich toys, but I also got the catalog...and Philip will totally play with them with our kids (and me before we have them)

I found out that although teaching a deaf kid to swim is difficult, teaching him to whistle is significantly more difficult.  He does have cochlear implants so he can hear noises very well , but he's only had it for about a year so most spoken word is just that "noise"

Then to Thaifoon, although very Americanized and a blend of Asian cuisine...it was still phenominal.  I had a crab wonton and Ahi tuna lettuce wraps, and since the wrap was so good I had the Thai tuna bowl as well. It was so good.  That is one thing about Cathleen, she's fed me pretty well on this trip so there's a win.  And we've struck up a vastly unlikely friendship.

An old friend of Cathleens's came to the hotel with his wife and kids so I was off the hook for tonight and I tried for the very first time a real passionfruit, not only are they delicious they are sooooo fun to eat the seeds have a gel surrounding them like a tomato see does.  I like sucking the gel between my teeth until it rips off the seed and then collecting the seeds in the side of my cheek, and then crunching them.  Yum!

Getting the babies to bed was a little bit rough tonight.   But I'll be home in less than 48 hours, and yes I'm counting.

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 6


I set my alarm early so I could make sure I got all the bambinos to breakfast.   However Cathleen was still not feeling well so I wrangled the herd by my lonesome.  They are all pretty dang good in the morning as far as kids go.   I snagged some melon for momma to snack on when she felt better and I got ready myself.  

I told the girls I would paint their nails with crackle coat and for about 15 minutes I wasn't the worst person on the planet.

Getting ready was pointless because the kids were dying to go in the pool, and it was a good opportunity for Cathleen to get some rest.   I found out today how difficult it is to teach deaf child to swim better when my ASL is at toddler level or worse.   Aaron get the motion, more or less but the concept of floating is still not quite clicking.  

Landon is so much better after the pool, I let the little guys swim for almost to hours, and he swims so hard that I think it takes the edge off his ADHD, at least the hyeractivity bit.   I get everybody dried and fed and  just let them veg a little while I went to the store for dinner.

I super dislike driving in any major city area, but I do like grocery stores like Harmon's.  I found real uncanned lychee fruit in downtown Salt Lake of all places.

Hannah is the only kid that liked it, until she got to the pit and said," Mmmmm its like candy"

"If it's candy why don't you eat it."

*crunch*

"Oh  bleck SICK"

* loogie hawking noises and possible dry heaves*

"Bummer Hannah, I guess that wasn't anything like candy."

"That was sooooooo SICK"

Cathleen had a little seminar to go to, so I saved the evening with bagel pizza, and this time for maybe 40 minutes I wasn't the worst person ever.  Even Aaron who eats nothing ate three bagels.

Landon passed out at six

And he was up at nine, talking about how he was talking to baby Jesus

And now ten-thirty he walked in talking about Metro Man's heart is in the ocean.

Hopefully he gets to sleep soon so we can have a happy guy in the morning.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 5

Sorry it's late.

Yesterday I got to leisurely sleep in til 9:30...Unfortunately breakfast is done at 10 and we missed it.  So we had fruit and granola bars. No biggie.

First item on the agenda was visiting the "Thrive" store in American Fork.  "Thrive" is a freeze dried food company that also has a lot of post emergency equipment.  The set up for their show room is not only aesthetically pleasing, but it appeals so much to my OCD because it's not only color coded, but in each color bracket they alphabetized them, and had them all facing forward.   Also all of their samples are in adorable candy jars with a mock vintage kitchen, with the beast of a fridge, and blue edged glass cupboards.

Then it was of to Provo to see the BYU campus because not only did Cathleen attend but also Mckenna's birth mother, so Mckenna wanted to see it...until she actually got to see it.   Boring.   I did get to hear some of Cathleen's funny college stories.

After the college we went to the doTerra essential oil facility to pick up our orders, not much to see there.  Lastly, we went to visit a cousin of Cathleen.  She has a couple a kids too so everyone got a play buddy.  The best part was the chickens, because it's so hot in Utah the chickens were really docile so all the kiddos got to play with chickies.   All the kids seemed to be obsessed with putting the chickens into a wagon and dragging the wagon around.  

However, Cathleen was really starting to get a bad migraine so we had to leave so we put put her someplace dark and quiet in our suite While I took the kids swimming.  Hannah, the second oldest said  "help HELP" in the pool...and obviously didn't need any help and I told her she didn't need help and that she better not scream like that unless she needs it.   Her reply in a nice shrill voice "BUT I REALLY DID NEED IT"

" You really needed help huh...well we should probably go back to the hotel because you aren't a very good swimmer and I don't want to risk you drowning."

"But I can swi...."

"Hey everybody we have to get out because Hannah can't swim"

"Um Elena...I swim just fine."

"So we aren't going to fake cry for help because the water only comes up to your chin anyway, right?"

They got all swimmed so much that Landon went to sleep in his crib without a fight.  Hallelujah.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 4

Today was so much of a better day.   Firstly, I finally got to make boom boom....after five days.   I used the doTerra essential oil DigestZen and it worked like a charm.  Secondly, Cathleen brought a diffuser and put an oil blend in, it could have been "Serenity" or "Elevation"  I don't care what it was/is it was amazing.  I mean you've been reading stories about Landon and he is a super intense little guy and within ten minutes all of the kids have stopped bickering and just seemed content to do whatever.  

Both momma and I needed a veg day, and it was sooooooo nice to not hear the whining.   We had dinner at the Lion House which pretty much went off without a hitch and spent a little time in the Joseph Smith memorial listening to the Piano player play "As Time Goes By"  

The herd left to visit some of Cathleen's dearest friends, while I did laundry and Skyped my husband.   I needed a little break to recharge, before swimming...which was awesome because the pool was full of other kids to entertain the kids we brought...doubly awesome because Landon hyperfocused on this floating ball and was swim swim swimming for it but it would slip just out of his reach, sometimes maybe a little with my help.  For almost an hour kicking his little face off.

Today he is finally to really get that I mean business, but that I also want to be sweet and have fun.   He is responding really well to counting to three (no threes yet)  and when I get right up in his face an explain what his choices are.   Even crazy, super intense, ultra defiant Landon is starting to grow on me.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 3

Sunday started out pretty ok.  I woke up at seven and just stayed in bed so I could relish in the sound of children not making noise, but it wasn't long before kids started waking up and pissin' and moanin' at each other.  Without too much trouble we can get the kids to breakfast.   Landon mixes his orange juice and chocolate milk...and then spills it. Awesome.   Did I mention I'm super not a morning person?  Also my  nerves have already been frayed the two days we spent driving.

We got in the car to visit Temple Square.  Hallelujah for short drives.   The kids all seemed pretty excited for the goings on in the visitors but darling, devious ADHD, ODD Landon has to run and swing the do not cross ropes.   I was done.   Every time he had an outburst today I got right inf front of his face to tell him that because he was naughty he had to walk with me...which means I'm pinching his little elbow bone just to let him know I'm not screwing around.   Cathleen found missionaries that spoke ASL to talk to Aaron about the different pictures and explain what he was seeing.   All through the visitors center and the tabernacle, we got to hear the organ.  It's also a billion degrees outside.  We tour the conference center and watch a church film...all the while I'm regulating Landon.  I'm wearing a loose flowy cotton skirt and with the heat and sweat my thighs are rubbing together so I am thoroughly chafed.   Just a little bit more driving and then a condo with my own room.

20min away from the condo I call Julita who is going to let us in, Julita speaks no English.  Lucky for me her granddaughter does.  We get to the condo after driving in beautiful Park City.  Three flights of stairs with no elevator.   We get to the condo, and lo and behold there is no AC in the unit, in Utah, in the frakkin' desert, in flippin' August.   Who in the piss doesn't have AC in UTAH!

Mexicans.   My bad.

Needless to say we had to go, Landon already starting going through heat exhaustion and there was just no way it was going to work back down the three flights of stairs.  We're trying to leech the internet to find something and every place she is calling is either booked or the room is too small for our sleeping situation.  

By the way all of the kids are crammed in the van asking a bajillion questions and well being kids.  I'm not going to lie I was probably five minutes from grabbing my suitcase and calling a cab to take me to the nearest airport.  We did end up getting a room at the Double Tree and there is a door between me and the kids.

 The only thing keeping me here is that Cathleen is depending on me so much.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 2

Landon decided that 4 am is an awesome time to poke and prod and talk to Mommy.  About 5:30 was when I decided that more sleep wasn't going to happen.   I got up and got ready talked with my uncle Landon and Cathleen finally fall back to sleep just as the other kids are trickling downstairs while Uncle Tony gets working on breakfast.   Mckenna the 10 year old starts pitching a fit about her underwear which apparently didn't get packed...we deduced that she didn't actually bring it downstairs.   Breakfast is going just fine and then that metabolic energy hits and we get to go into a metal box again.

Idaho is mega boring.   We did see a few pronghorn and a roadkill cougar but other than that nothing but foot hills and sagebrush.   Landon was not happy and screamed a lot more this ride, but I guess if I were a three year old I wouldn't be super stoked either...it's just that with his ODD he doesn't care whether or not you don't like his noise.  He likes it, and he doesn't like the car so we can piss off I guess.   

We made pretty good time to Draper Utah....but in the midst of all of this desert nothingness there is this super rad looking waterslide extravaganza right next to the hotel,  of course the kids ask, of course Mom and I say no, and of course they are devastated.   But hey! There is a pool at the hotel.   But only after they eat, and wait the hour.   

Finally everyone but Mom is in swimsuits because I wanted her to get a little sleep and we go to the pool.   Landon is super over stimulated and shrieking in the pool with acoustic like a frickin' raquetball court.

But then,

Aaron, who is deaf and a blue eyed Thai kid asks me to hold him, I start to rock him and he is signing " scared" I'm signing back "it's ok it's ok."  He lets his legs out and I hold his body out so he can float a little more. I motion for him to tilt his head back, he is a little hesitant but then we relaxes and starts to float while I help a little.   He was so peaceful, his ice blue eyes staring at the ceiling in wonderment.  I had an overwhelming desire to know his thoughts, if he can feel his heart beat in his ears.   

With a moment so sweet, the day is bound to go downhill.   Which it  most certainly did, still totally worth it

Adventures in anxiety


I was asked to go on a trip with a family whose Dad is military and unavailable to help with the kids.   And these are the days of our lives.  

*Name have been changed to protect privacy.

I arrive at about 7:45 with my teeny tiny bag, laptop and huge "stuff to do bag." The kids seem happy which is awesome for an 10,9,8, and three year old to be early in the morning before a ten hour car ride.  

Cathleen, the mom took the wheel first.   The first four hours pretty much fly by without incident and then we stopped for lunch...and the two children from the some of the hottest nations Thailand and Ethiopia were coming about the heat.   Goofy.  

Right after lunch Cathleen started to get very tired, and the three DS's I brought started to die.  Also, apparently in Oregon it is illegal for you to pump your own gas...lucky for us we found the only major gas station in a hundred miles and the only attendant was a crabby septegenarian...There are twelve or more double sided pumps and this cat is just leisurely taking his time...until you touch the pump then he's right next to you educating you on Oregon law.  

Oregon and Idaho are horribly boring to drive through.   The kids noticed this as well and I started getting  "Are we close?"  "Do your relatives live....HERE?"   And then the three year old with ADHD and ODD kind of reached his limit.  I mean any three year old is going to be super over riding in a car for that long...Landon has some sensory issues and he makes a high pitched scream, and because Landon has ODD it does no good to tell him to stop, because he likes doing it.   I am a very auditory person so every time he would make his noise I had a startle response.  Which is awesome on the freeway at 80 miles an hour.

Relax, the speed limit is 75.

Finally we get to Aunt Ginger and Uncle Tony's and everyone is just everywhere, understandable since we were crammed into a metal box.   Uncle Tony is doing burgers and dinner seems to be doing fine...Landon is still super over it. Cathleen asks if he wants to go to bed.   He does, so she starts getting him changed.  
That kid...manages to slip away from Mom butt naked and jump on the couch yelling "Boingy Boingy Boingy." While everyone else is having dinner.  At least the little guy is funny.


Everyone mostly went to bed without a fight.   And tomorrow it's only a 5-6 hour drive.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

08/01/2012 or Apparently I'm The "Good" Crazy...

Or at least that is what friends have told me.   I have compiled a list of behaviors and my reasons behind them, so you can be the judge.

1.  Safety pinning my socks.   This is soooo functional.  I have a lot of crazy socks and it bothers me to lose one in the laundry,  if I safety pin them before I throw them in the wash they will never get lost.

But I only buy white sock so they always match.


Wrong.  If one sock if washed more than the other sock it feels different on your foot and leg.

2.  The closet.  Firstly, everything is color coded...not too unusual.   Then I take it a step further and face all of the shirts the same way so when I browse I only see the front.  I only use white hangers with the notches in them so the hanger tops create a uniform line on the closet rod.   Also I never shut the curtains because monsters would hide there.

3. Under the bed.   My under the bed is full of boxes some have things like dishes and silverware some are empty and taped closed.   Boxes under the bed means nothing can hide under there either.

4. The kitchen walk.   I know how to walk to the kitchen and get water in the dark  with my eyes closed...because there could be monsters looking at me from the backyard but if I can't see them, they can't be there.  I usually keep my bottle of water in my room to avoid the whole process.

5. The eat around.   I eat around my sandwich/burger instead of going straight down because the stuff falls out of the bottom.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

07/28/2012 or The Longest Bike Ride.

* All mentions of the word "bike," refer to my Dad's motorcycle.



I am the most uncool biker chick...Ever.   Despite me being severely uncool, riding behind my Dad, in a pack of seven motorcycles makes me look...or at least feel super intimidating!   There was a huge cruise and rally today, so if our little group drove close to another group.  Boom. Instant Banditos.  Also there is this this not secret little hand wave that most bikers do to bikers passing by.  Riding on a motorcycle makes me part of a club full of bad guys and pretend bad guys.

Other than pretending like I had scary knuckle tattoos I got to ride through pine and cedar forests full of deer, sprawling fields of vegetables and berries, pastures of cows, horses...alpacas. Small logging towns, the state capitol, and oyster beds. A mushroom farm, Indian reservations, and in my opinion some of the prettiest little roads in WA.

And even with all of that, I got to spend time with my Dad, not saying much...just hanging out, just the way we like it.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

07/26/2012

This adventure starts yesterday evening.   My husband tells me he thinks I should send my overseas clearance packet again, just to be sure it gets through so we can have our conference call and hopefully get his orders for us to be moved to Europe.   Not a big deal I open my Inbox, click the "Military" folder and forward it to the person I need to.   Fifteen minutes later I get an auto-response that the send has failed due to size limitations.    I sent to my other email no problem.  I sent it again...send failure.  I change the size to smaller...send failure.  I change the format...send failure.   This is obviously not working so I email the person in charge and ask for size limitations and best format.

This morning I get an email saying it might need to be two to three different emails with different attachments, or I could fax it to their new fax number (The fax numbers I was given were...disconnected.)   I punch the number and on the last page; Communication error *403 send failure please try again.  I do.  Error *403. Again. Error *403.   I fax one page that reads "TEST." Sent.   So I break up my fax into two parts.  Sent and Sent.    I email the person I need to informing them I sent the fax.   Ten minutes later I get an email saying that it was received, everything looks great except the provider didn't sign pages 8,10,11.  Hilarious.

I email back asking if I can use a different provider.  The response, No.  So I flip through my packet and find the provider's number.   Disconnected.   I send him an email asking if I can fax them my packet.   I get that faxed over to them and now I'm waiting because I'm not sure if the signed fax is coming back to me or to going to my husband's base.

My question is, if my husband hadn't asked me to send it again...how long do you think we would have gone before someone in Admin got to us?