The Worst...

First off if I offend anyone I am deeply sorry if your feelings are hurt, but this is an account of my own feelings and experiences.

 We started eating "Paleo" in January and it was great.  I didn't go into carb comas and I lost about a pound a week with somewhat moderate exercise.**  We plateaued in March, and it's probably, at least for me portion control. I would think, Well this is Paleo...I will consume all of it. And before you knew it there went two avocados and a half pound of bacon down the hatch.

     My husband bought a book called "Mastering the Life Plan.*"    The man on the cover is 74 years old and has the body of a Chippendale's dancer.  His hair is white and he is balding, you can see wrinkles in where wrinkles would be but the muscles underneath his skin are superb.  My husband was hooked.  It's definitely a book written for men, moreso men in their 40's and older but we figured might as well start now.

     My husband really grooved on it so I decided it would be less complicated in the kitchen if I just followed the eating plan as well.  So far so good on that front, I managed to pick back up on my losing a pound a week, but one thing the book suggests is to take a "before" picture that only you look at, to use as motivation.   I took mine yesterday.  It was horrible, I wanted to cry but I was so furious with self revulsion.

    And then I took my measurements.   Devastated.  Looking at the back of myself is revolting.  I can see all of the old stretchmarks and dimples.   Instead of being motivated, I'm just angry.   I'm angry that eating healthy feels like a punishment for being overweight.   I'm angry that this isn't just a goal, but an entire lifestyle change.  I'm angry that I hate going over to people's houses for dinner and agonizing about eating certain things.  But maybe that's the point, to be so disgusted with the "before" I never want to go back.

     I have lost 12 pounds since December, and I had to get a new smaller pair of jeans, but looking at that picture of myself was worse than giving up sugar and pasta combined.


* The book can be purchased herehttp://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Life-Plan-Essential-Achieving/dp/1451681704

** Moderate Exercise for me is 30 minutes of walking at 3.5 miles an hour at different inclines followed by some weightlifting or calisthenics and stretching.