The Hamel Happy Hour

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

News

I tend to speak in short sentences and I haven't waxed poetic I swear since high school but with the possibility of seeing my husband growing nearer and nearer I pretty much can't help myself.

I understand that many people I know are not in my position, they get to see their spouse, lover, bit on the side, probably everyday.  However, it is because of my position that I feel so strongly about what I have to say.

Whoever you're with right now...Adore them.  Breathe them in. Worship every inch of their body, and every facet of their personality...everything that makes them who they are.  Love them just for the sake of having the experience of loving them and being loved deeply by them.   Be happy to share space with whoever this wonderful being is.   Stay in bed another ten minutes with them.   Laugh as loud and as often as you can.  

Don't do this for me, but for whoever you're with because they deserve nothing less than to be cherished by you.

And now back to me for the news.  I should know by Friday on whether a decision has been made on my medical clearance...apparently there seems to be issues with my allergy shots.   Hilarious.   BUT, if we are denied Phil will be home within a week to grab me and our stuff and head to Texas.  Either way it's awesome.   I cannot wait to be with my husband...and since I couldn't wait I bought another, that's right another stash of lingerie from www.lingeriediva.com.  We hadn't even gotten through stuff from the honeymoon before he left...we're totally set up for a good long while.  


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

8/22/12


Since vacation, my life has been fairly uneventful...just the way I like it.  Truth is I'm only writing now because the *Vicoden I took hasn't knocked me out like usual.

This block of time in my life is very much not my favorite.  My husband is gone and I'm living in my parent's house ( it's not like a dungeon or anything, but after having my own place and things the way I like living with your folks is lame.)

However during this time I've done a lot of things that a lot of people have never taken the time to do.

When it has been a hot day I've watched hummingbirds from the back swing fly way way up, by the tops of the pines and then bullet downwards making a sonic sort of peep as they almost clip another bird.  I've walked barefoot through the garden with soft warm smells of things growing filled my nose.   I've learned that  gooseberries are delicious...but they also have razor sharp thorns.

I made a bird friend "Freddy" who used to fly into the house and onto my shoulder and into my hand, I felt his little heart flutter in my palm while his bright black eyes looked back at me.  I've made bouquets from the roses and dahlias and other things I had found.  I've squeezed my own lemonade...and then added our own strawberries to sweeten it.

Just this week I've caught 11 butterflies.   I also learned that it's very important to make sure there not bees near your butterfly or you'll catch them too.

I've looked at the Milky Way and planets, watched a meteor shower, counted satellites.  I've smelled every single rose bush by the house.

I'm glad I haven't grown up yet, and as it stands I'm not planning on it any time soon.


* The Vicoden is because I have a few gnarly burns on both arms and one on my back...when I rollover at night it feels like someone has taken a potato peeler to my arms.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt.8 and The Conclusion.

Leaving the hotel was a little bit rough, mostly because there is a herd of kids who don't quite get why I'm so anxious to get home, but the breakfast was good and all in all we left without tooooooo much drama and I was all to happy to get out of SLC and on the road home.

I told Mckenna that I would give her 20 dollars if she stayed quiet for two hours.   Both Cathleen and I didn't tell her when her time was up. Northern Utah and Southern Idaho were still super boring...until we went through my first dust storm, it was extra special because it actually started to rain on top of the dust, pouring down mud on the car.   All in all though we made pretty good time to Boise so I felt that much closer  to home.   

Cathleen super needed a power nap from the drive, and I super needed a time out from the children, so I decided to take a quick shower when I got out of the shower Landon was scream-crying and the girls were trying their best to get him to behave  which usually means yelling at him, I can't blame them they are 10 and 8. However, I was super over it so with my hair wet and in my towel I poke my head out, and in my scariest nanny voice " IF BRANDON SCREAMS AGAIN ALL OF YOU WILL GO TO THE CORNER THERE WILL BE NO SCREAMING IN THIS HOUSE!"

Instant Silence.

I got to spend time with my cousin Julie and my cousin Jody....I hadn't seen Jody for almost 7 years.   All my   second cousins are turning into little grown ups and Liam the chubby adorable baby is a skinny but wickedly flirtatious nine year old.  Anina and Brenna are darling.   And I even got to see and get made fun of by Abe.   It was a nice way to end out my Boise visit.

                                                 THE LAST DAY OF THE ROAD TRIP

I woke up at 6:30...because I'm so excited to get home. So excited.  Uncle Tony is making waffles with strawberry jam Yum!  Landon does not want to eat his waffles, because the jam is on wrong.   Since I am a little OCD I clearly see how the jam is on wrong.  All of the waffle squares aren't filled.   Landon has superb taste...because everyone knows a waffle is gross if there is not strawberry jam in ever single square pocket.  ever since I was a kid I remember meticulously filling every square,  only then was it safe and tasty to eat.   So far so good, we get on the road right when we want to had a slip up with the directions which only costed us maybe 15 minutes and we were good to go.  

No traffic was happening, just the boring landscape to keep us company.  Cathleen asked if I had ever gone sparking.  Sparking is where you take wint o green life savers and chew them in the dark and you see sparks.   Cathleen tried to show me this, while I am the driver...and because I'm bored out of my skull I'm trying to look over. I tell her. "Cathleen  nothing bad could come out of these because I'm totally trying to drive a mini van full of someone elses kids at 80 miles and hour and trying to watch your lifesavers...we are super safe"   A giggle fit ensued.   We stop for drive through lunch and we are still making excellent time.   I see a license plate that I recognize so I honk honk honk, it was the lady I formerly stayed with and her kids coming back from their vacation in McCall but they had a funeral to go to in Boise and we were lucky enough to leave and be driving at the same ish time.

Still driving a long this are still going well Landon hasn't screamed once in the car like an angel.  Then we hear a loud pop and then car starts to shudder, I think it's a tire so I pull off and turn the hazards on, but the engine light is on and after we get out and check...all of the tires are fine.   I'm starting to panic a little but trying to keep my cool 'cause a guy pulled off the side of the road and was looking at the engine.   And then he pulled out a giant metal thing and a llittle metal and plastic bit, I totally lost my cool. I was up to my limit.

But Rebecca had seen us stop and called to see if we were ok and had enough room to take me and two other kids.  I took that offer almsot as soon as she said it, I did feel bad for leaving Cathleen but she has six kids that are all high stress and she is nigh unto zen, while I was diagnosed a few years ago with general anxiety disorder and I was shaking and hyperventilating a bit.    I was at my breaking point, and I'm thinking Landon would have had a meltdown being cooped up in an auto shop

Rebecca snagged me and the boys and the tow truck snagged Cathleen and the girls and everything seemed good, except I had a little trouble with forming sentences , and driving.   Finally everybody got home and safe, but I'm still very disoriented and off balance and really basic tasks are difficult. I figure I just tired and I go to bed.   

I woke up today still feeling very very out of it but I did manage to shower and get dressed and sit through church.  Landon sat with me for a while.  Cutie bug.   I talked to my parents about my symptoms and the consensus was that I was exhibiting body stress response.   Go figure.

I did learn a lot on this trip, about myself about special needs kids.  Would I do it again?  Hell no.  Am I talking with the kids about different things they wanna do one on one with me.  Absolutely.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 7

The hotel is wonderful because it has black out curtains, too bad children have a little alarm inside that goes off around 6 am.  

Remember last night, when I was super crossing my fingers about Landon getting back to sleep so he was sweet in the morning?   He did eventually go back to bad but as far as sweetness, little was too be had this morning, and it was a rough morning.  

But we got to go to the Children's Museum here so it wasn't too bad, minus the mini meltdown about Mckenna's hair and Hannah getting the what for from Cathleen ( Actually I was super stoked that Hannah got reamed a bit 'cause that kid works my nerves.)   The museum was great that had these bee hive ball chute-a-ma-jig, and a giant wooden xylophone in the first room.  In the next room it was a "Kids Eye View" a little mock city with a construction and a crane, a grocery store with checkstands and a deli, a car with a gas pump, a house with a kitchen and living room, a pretend lake with a boat and a giant swan and a farm with a vegetable garden a fruit tree and a horse you could climb on...and a rock wall.  Piss...and a water exploration station.  

Upstairs there was the sound and video production lab as well as a sort of physical science lab and a helicopter outside that your could "fly"   I gave probably a gazillion green screen news casts for different kids that wanted to try it but had no partner.  

Then there was the Bettie Page store.   It was wonderful, except the only thing I really REALLY wanted was  on back order, it's a super bummer because I would have looked great in it, and it made my boobs look huge.  :(.

Onward to a toystore...where I finally broke and picked up some of the Scherlich toys, but I also got the catalog...and Philip will totally play with them with our kids (and me before we have them)

I found out that although teaching a deaf kid to swim is difficult, teaching him to whistle is significantly more difficult.  He does have cochlear implants so he can hear noises very well , but he's only had it for about a year so most spoken word is just that "noise"

Then to Thaifoon, although very Americanized and a blend of Asian cuisine...it was still phenominal.  I had a crab wonton and Ahi tuna lettuce wraps, and since the wrap was so good I had the Thai tuna bowl as well. It was so good.  That is one thing about Cathleen, she's fed me pretty well on this trip so there's a win.  And we've struck up a vastly unlikely friendship.

An old friend of Cathleens's came to the hotel with his wife and kids so I was off the hook for tonight and I tried for the very first time a real passionfruit, not only are they delicious they are sooooo fun to eat the seeds have a gel surrounding them like a tomato see does.  I like sucking the gel between my teeth until it rips off the seed and then collecting the seeds in the side of my cheek, and then crunching them.  Yum!

Getting the babies to bed was a little bit rough tonight.   But I'll be home in less than 48 hours, and yes I'm counting.

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 6


I set my alarm early so I could make sure I got all the bambinos to breakfast.   However Cathleen was still not feeling well so I wrangled the herd by my lonesome.  They are all pretty dang good in the morning as far as kids go.   I snagged some melon for momma to snack on when she felt better and I got ready myself.  

I told the girls I would paint their nails with crackle coat and for about 15 minutes I wasn't the worst person on the planet.

Getting ready was pointless because the kids were dying to go in the pool, and it was a good opportunity for Cathleen to get some rest.   I found out today how difficult it is to teach deaf child to swim better when my ASL is at toddler level or worse.   Aaron get the motion, more or less but the concept of floating is still not quite clicking.  

Landon is so much better after the pool, I let the little guys swim for almost to hours, and he swims so hard that I think it takes the edge off his ADHD, at least the hyeractivity bit.   I get everybody dried and fed and  just let them veg a little while I went to the store for dinner.

I super dislike driving in any major city area, but I do like grocery stores like Harmon's.  I found real uncanned lychee fruit in downtown Salt Lake of all places.

Hannah is the only kid that liked it, until she got to the pit and said," Mmmmm its like candy"

"If it's candy why don't you eat it."

*crunch*

"Oh  bleck SICK"

* loogie hawking noises and possible dry heaves*

"Bummer Hannah, I guess that wasn't anything like candy."

"That was sooooooo SICK"

Cathleen had a little seminar to go to, so I saved the evening with bagel pizza, and this time for maybe 40 minutes I wasn't the worst person ever.  Even Aaron who eats nothing ate three bagels.

Landon passed out at six

And he was up at nine, talking about how he was talking to baby Jesus

And now ten-thirty he walked in talking about Metro Man's heart is in the ocean.

Hopefully he gets to sleep soon so we can have a happy guy in the morning.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 5

Sorry it's late.

Yesterday I got to leisurely sleep in til 9:30...Unfortunately breakfast is done at 10 and we missed it.  So we had fruit and granola bars. No biggie.

First item on the agenda was visiting the "Thrive" store in American Fork.  "Thrive" is a freeze dried food company that also has a lot of post emergency equipment.  The set up for their show room is not only aesthetically pleasing, but it appeals so much to my OCD because it's not only color coded, but in each color bracket they alphabetized them, and had them all facing forward.   Also all of their samples are in adorable candy jars with a mock vintage kitchen, with the beast of a fridge, and blue edged glass cupboards.

Then it was of to Provo to see the BYU campus because not only did Cathleen attend but also Mckenna's birth mother, so Mckenna wanted to see it...until she actually got to see it.   Boring.   I did get to hear some of Cathleen's funny college stories.

After the college we went to the doTerra essential oil facility to pick up our orders, not much to see there.  Lastly, we went to visit a cousin of Cathleen.  She has a couple a kids too so everyone got a play buddy.  The best part was the chickens, because it's so hot in Utah the chickens were really docile so all the kiddos got to play with chickies.   All the kids seemed to be obsessed with putting the chickens into a wagon and dragging the wagon around.  

However, Cathleen was really starting to get a bad migraine so we had to leave so we put put her someplace dark and quiet in our suite While I took the kids swimming.  Hannah, the second oldest said  "help HELP" in the pool...and obviously didn't need any help and I told her she didn't need help and that she better not scream like that unless she needs it.   Her reply in a nice shrill voice "BUT I REALLY DID NEED IT"

" You really needed help huh...well we should probably go back to the hotel because you aren't a very good swimmer and I don't want to risk you drowning."

"But I can swi...."

"Hey everybody we have to get out because Hannah can't swim"

"Um Elena...I swim just fine."

"So we aren't going to fake cry for help because the water only comes up to your chin anyway, right?"

They got all swimmed so much that Landon went to sleep in his crib without a fight.  Hallelujah.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 4

Today was so much of a better day.   Firstly, I finally got to make boom boom....after five days.   I used the doTerra essential oil DigestZen and it worked like a charm.  Secondly, Cathleen brought a diffuser and put an oil blend in, it could have been "Serenity" or "Elevation"  I don't care what it was/is it was amazing.  I mean you've been reading stories about Landon and he is a super intense little guy and within ten minutes all of the kids have stopped bickering and just seemed content to do whatever.  

Both momma and I needed a veg day, and it was sooooooo nice to not hear the whining.   We had dinner at the Lion House which pretty much went off without a hitch and spent a little time in the Joseph Smith memorial listening to the Piano player play "As Time Goes By"  

The herd left to visit some of Cathleen's dearest friends, while I did laundry and Skyped my husband.   I needed a little break to recharge, before swimming...which was awesome because the pool was full of other kids to entertain the kids we brought...doubly awesome because Landon hyperfocused on this floating ball and was swim swim swimming for it but it would slip just out of his reach, sometimes maybe a little with my help.  For almost an hour kicking his little face off.

Today he is finally to really get that I mean business, but that I also want to be sweet and have fun.   He is responding really well to counting to three (no threes yet)  and when I get right up in his face an explain what his choices are.   Even crazy, super intense, ultra defiant Landon is starting to grow on me.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 3

Sunday started out pretty ok.  I woke up at seven and just stayed in bed so I could relish in the sound of children not making noise, but it wasn't long before kids started waking up and pissin' and moanin' at each other.  Without too much trouble we can get the kids to breakfast.   Landon mixes his orange juice and chocolate milk...and then spills it. Awesome.   Did I mention I'm super not a morning person?  Also my  nerves have already been frayed the two days we spent driving.

We got in the car to visit Temple Square.  Hallelujah for short drives.   The kids all seemed pretty excited for the goings on in the visitors but darling, devious ADHD, ODD Landon has to run and swing the do not cross ropes.   I was done.   Every time he had an outburst today I got right inf front of his face to tell him that because he was naughty he had to walk with me...which means I'm pinching his little elbow bone just to let him know I'm not screwing around.   Cathleen found missionaries that spoke ASL to talk to Aaron about the different pictures and explain what he was seeing.   All through the visitors center and the tabernacle, we got to hear the organ.  It's also a billion degrees outside.  We tour the conference center and watch a church film...all the while I'm regulating Landon.  I'm wearing a loose flowy cotton skirt and with the heat and sweat my thighs are rubbing together so I am thoroughly chafed.   Just a little bit more driving and then a condo with my own room.

20min away from the condo I call Julita who is going to let us in, Julita speaks no English.  Lucky for me her granddaughter does.  We get to the condo after driving in beautiful Park City.  Three flights of stairs with no elevator.   We get to the condo, and lo and behold there is no AC in the unit, in Utah, in the frakkin' desert, in flippin' August.   Who in the piss doesn't have AC in UTAH!

Mexicans.   My bad.

Needless to say we had to go, Landon already starting going through heat exhaustion and there was just no way it was going to work back down the three flights of stairs.  We're trying to leech the internet to find something and every place she is calling is either booked or the room is too small for our sleeping situation.  

By the way all of the kids are crammed in the van asking a bajillion questions and well being kids.  I'm not going to lie I was probably five minutes from grabbing my suitcase and calling a cab to take me to the nearest airport.  We did end up getting a room at the Double Tree and there is a door between me and the kids.

 The only thing keeping me here is that Cathleen is depending on me so much.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Adventures in Anxiety Pt. 2

Landon decided that 4 am is an awesome time to poke and prod and talk to Mommy.  About 5:30 was when I decided that more sleep wasn't going to happen.   I got up and got ready talked with my uncle Landon and Cathleen finally fall back to sleep just as the other kids are trickling downstairs while Uncle Tony gets working on breakfast.   Mckenna the 10 year old starts pitching a fit about her underwear which apparently didn't get packed...we deduced that she didn't actually bring it downstairs.   Breakfast is going just fine and then that metabolic energy hits and we get to go into a metal box again.

Idaho is mega boring.   We did see a few pronghorn and a roadkill cougar but other than that nothing but foot hills and sagebrush.   Landon was not happy and screamed a lot more this ride, but I guess if I were a three year old I wouldn't be super stoked either...it's just that with his ODD he doesn't care whether or not you don't like his noise.  He likes it, and he doesn't like the car so we can piss off I guess.   

We made pretty good time to Draper Utah....but in the midst of all of this desert nothingness there is this super rad looking waterslide extravaganza right next to the hotel,  of course the kids ask, of course Mom and I say no, and of course they are devastated.   But hey! There is a pool at the hotel.   But only after they eat, and wait the hour.   

Finally everyone but Mom is in swimsuits because I wanted her to get a little sleep and we go to the pool.   Landon is super over stimulated and shrieking in the pool with acoustic like a frickin' raquetball court.

But then,

Aaron, who is deaf and a blue eyed Thai kid asks me to hold him, I start to rock him and he is signing " scared" I'm signing back "it's ok it's ok."  He lets his legs out and I hold his body out so he can float a little more. I motion for him to tilt his head back, he is a little hesitant but then we relaxes and starts to float while I help a little.   He was so peaceful, his ice blue eyes staring at the ceiling in wonderment.  I had an overwhelming desire to know his thoughts, if he can feel his heart beat in his ears.   

With a moment so sweet, the day is bound to go downhill.   Which it  most certainly did, still totally worth it

Adventures in anxiety


I was asked to go on a trip with a family whose Dad is military and unavailable to help with the kids.   And these are the days of our lives.  

*Name have been changed to protect privacy.

I arrive at about 7:45 with my teeny tiny bag, laptop and huge "stuff to do bag." The kids seem happy which is awesome for an 10,9,8, and three year old to be early in the morning before a ten hour car ride.  

Cathleen, the mom took the wheel first.   The first four hours pretty much fly by without incident and then we stopped for lunch...and the two children from the some of the hottest nations Thailand and Ethiopia were coming about the heat.   Goofy.  

Right after lunch Cathleen started to get very tired, and the three DS's I brought started to die.  Also, apparently in Oregon it is illegal for you to pump your own gas...lucky for us we found the only major gas station in a hundred miles and the only attendant was a crabby septegenarian...There are twelve or more double sided pumps and this cat is just leisurely taking his time...until you touch the pump then he's right next to you educating you on Oregon law.  

Oregon and Idaho are horribly boring to drive through.   The kids noticed this as well and I started getting  "Are we close?"  "Do your relatives live....HERE?"   And then the three year old with ADHD and ODD kind of reached his limit.  I mean any three year old is going to be super over riding in a car for that long...Landon has some sensory issues and he makes a high pitched scream, and because Landon has ODD it does no good to tell him to stop, because he likes doing it.   I am a very auditory person so every time he would make his noise I had a startle response.  Which is awesome on the freeway at 80 miles an hour.

Relax, the speed limit is 75.

Finally we get to Aunt Ginger and Uncle Tony's and everyone is just everywhere, understandable since we were crammed into a metal box.   Uncle Tony is doing burgers and dinner seems to be doing fine...Landon is still super over it. Cathleen asks if he wants to go to bed.   He does, so she starts getting him changed.  
That kid...manages to slip away from Mom butt naked and jump on the couch yelling "Boingy Boingy Boingy." While everyone else is having dinner.  At least the little guy is funny.


Everyone mostly went to bed without a fight.   And tomorrow it's only a 5-6 hour drive.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

08/01/2012 or Apparently I'm The "Good" Crazy...

Or at least that is what friends have told me.   I have compiled a list of behaviors and my reasons behind them, so you can be the judge.

1.  Safety pinning my socks.   This is soooo functional.  I have a lot of crazy socks and it bothers me to lose one in the laundry,  if I safety pin them before I throw them in the wash they will never get lost.

But I only buy white sock so they always match.


Wrong.  If one sock if washed more than the other sock it feels different on your foot and leg.

2.  The closet.  Firstly, everything is color coded...not too unusual.   Then I take it a step further and face all of the shirts the same way so when I browse I only see the front.  I only use white hangers with the notches in them so the hanger tops create a uniform line on the closet rod.   Also I never shut the curtains because monsters would hide there.

3. Under the bed.   My under the bed is full of boxes some have things like dishes and silverware some are empty and taped closed.   Boxes under the bed means nothing can hide under there either.

4. The kitchen walk.   I know how to walk to the kitchen and get water in the dark  with my eyes closed...because there could be monsters looking at me from the backyard but if I can't see them, they can't be there.  I usually keep my bottle of water in my room to avoid the whole process.

5. The eat around.   I eat around my sandwich/burger instead of going straight down because the stuff falls out of the bottom.