That Guy Version 2.0

Somehow I lost my digital camera inside out apartment.   I had the memory card in a pocket, and somehow the camera has just vanished. So no Creature Features, or Shinies...just more about That Guy.

The good news is he has a roommate now so we aren't sought out nearly as much.

Here's the latest.
Since he has a new roommate he invited us up to meet him, he said the roommate would be home in 15 minutes so we should just come up.  20 minutes later we show up to the door which he answers shirtless...and continues to remain shirtless.

Now this is just my personal opinion...but I dislike it when people are shirtless.   There is no real reason to take off a shirt unless you're planning on swimming or sunbathing...if you're hot it makes more sense to leave your shirt on sweat a little more and then let the sweat cool you instead of exposing more skin to the heat and sun...And he knew people were coming over, and it's winter time in Germany.   His girlfriend calls and the roommate still hasn't shown up so while he is on the phone Phil and I decide to get out while we still could.

That Guy:  Hang on babe,  Hey man I'll catch you later.

Phil: Sure thing

That Guy:  Yeah Phil came up to hang out.

I'm not upset, but it does prove my theory that he views me as a non-entity unless my husband is not present

 I'm going out to drop off the compost and he is on the balcony.

That Guy: Hey you wanna come up for some rice?  Or get some lunch or something?

Elena: I don't eat rice anymore I'm okay...thanks though.

That Guy: WTF Why don't you eat rice?

Elena: Paleo...no grains, rice is a grain,

That Guy: Rice isn't a grain...it's rice, I'm on the Paleo diet too, I know what I'm talking about.

Elena: I have to go back inside the stove is on.

Now this part I don't want you to think that I'm some terrible judgmental hag, I prefer more of a Sherlock Holmes approach what can I learn about the new roommate based on what I see...and what I see is his car.

For most service members you know what base you are moving too 6-9 months or so in advance, excluding first base moves out of tech school, but we still had a few months to prepare, do research you know important stuff.  Part of that important stuff is an Anti Terrorism briefing, mostly giving tips on how to not be a target.  Don't wear clothes with English writing, don't put up your name outside your house...just try and blend in with the locals.   That Guy's roommate did not get the memo, because he drives a jeep.  This is no ordinary Jeep, first off it's pretty big, and if you do any research on Europe their roads are windy and narrow so a more compact car is a better choice.  It's also Germany...it gets really really cold here, more importantly while mild and beautiful it doesn't get above 85 like ever, not really Jeep weather.  He also has giant ...I mean GIANT Jurassic Park logos on either side of his Jeep along with windshield decal that reads "Take your top off"...and a little fixture around his headlights that turn his round Jeep headlights into what looks like glaring eyes.

 But he's probably a really nice guy.

I'm not saying he is a bad guy...but maybe subconsciously I don't hang out with people who decorate their car with more than one bumper sticker or rear-view mirror dangly.   When I was in high-school I had a friend who was dating a guy who had pimped out a Daewoo.   No lie, a Daewoo...he added a fin to the back( 'cause I'm sure he street raced in South Hill) and had it airbrushed.  Maybe it's because I've always bought cars purely as transportation, and any money I threw into them was for repairs.   I've just never seen a reason to make a fairly regular car a statement to other drivers and/or policemen.

The only thing that bothers me is he parks right in front of the building  (we're on the ground floor) so it looks like we have the Jeep.

S'more That Guy

First off he drops by and is chatting Phil up, here is the conversation he had with me.

That Guy: You're a *Depend-a-saurus.

Elena: There is no way I am a *Depend-a-pottamus, I go to the gym and I home-cook all of our meals.

That Guy: I didn't say Depend-a-pottamus,  you're a Depend-a-saurus Rex.

Elena: I think you mean Awesome-a-saurus.

That Guy: Well, later bro I gotta go get cleaned up.

I'm pretty sure he only hates my guts because I am a female that has no desire to sleep with him...or it could be conversations like the one below.

He came over because he wanted some womanly advice from his woman who is a recent divorcee, not that there is anything wrong with previously married people but it's probably a good idea to not expect an outstanding amount of commitment from someone so recently severed.

That Guy: It's * Allison, I just can't do anything right she keeps saying crap like "Ugh You're just like my ex-husband." and I'm trying...but she won't talk to me about it and I can't fix it.

Elena: Well she can't keep blaming you for things that you didn't do, you aren't her ex husband.

That Guy: But she can, she put up with so much abuse...

Elena:  If he was so abusive, I'm pretty sure any likeness to her ex-husband would probably make her leave, and women who are abused physically or other wise don't usually get into relationships right after their divorced.

That Guy:  Hey, is your husband going to mind that I'm over here and we're alone?

Elena: I already texted him that you are here, so I'm pretty sure he's okay with it.

That Guy:  It's just I'm trying and I do everything she wants...but she's leaving in May and I know she doesn't want to get married so...

Elena:  I think you know the answer to that question, and I'm pretty sure you are well aware that she isn't really emotionally invested in your relationship.

That Guy:  So do you go tanning?

Elena:  No, I got a really severe burn last year, and I finally getting my skin back to normal with coconut oil.

That Guy: Coconut oil, did you know they use coconut oil for blood transfusions?

Elena: Hmm, I thought it was coconut water as emergency IV fluid.

That Guy:  Well coconut oil is water soluble, which means it can be absorbed through the blood stream.

Elena: Weird, I thought water soluble meant dissolve-able or mixable with water.

That Guy: Well, I'm gonna go to the gym.

A little fact about me first...I love, I mean LOVE correcting people's "fact's"...Like I read blogs and articles online I will check their references, the only thing I really read/watch and take it as fact is National Geographic.  So most of my conversations with That Guy are blissful, the snarky jerk inside of me does a little happy dance.  I read three newspapers, a left one, a right one and one that I enjoy the most because it seems to stick to pure reporting instead of appealing to either side.

He mentioned going on a paleo diet, and then asked to borrow butter for his rice.

Paleo is no grains, no dairy...so he seems to be doing really well with his new eating plan.

He stopped by again to complain that his girlfriend isn't having sex with him and how he's SOOOO horny and he just wants to have some sex...Awkward.  I only talk about my sex life with my best friend, and it's super not in front of anyone.  I mean it's bad enough when we hear it...I don't want to talk about it either.

Today he dropped by to ask Phil to the gym, and our rest days are Sunday and Monday, to which he responded that Phil is a faggot and needs to work out.  Classy.

He then goes on to say how he has sex like a bedbug...where his penis will just go for anything (gross)  I said if were going to be an animal I would be a barnacle because they have the longest penis to body ratio.

That Guy: Did you know when a wave comes up they use their penis to hold down the other barnacles, 'cause they only have one appendage?

See, what That Guy doesn't know about me is that I really do read National Geographic...and my favorite channel growing up was PBS, with my favorite show being "Nature"

Barnacles do have a long penis, and two "arms" which they use to feed, they also have an eye and cement glands that serve to anchor them to their surface.

After our barnacle conversation he mentioned his Paleo diet again and then proceeded to lift up his shirt and put his abs on display for my husband, I tend to leave the room during his random acts of partial nudity...it's not because I'm offended, but he is obviously peacocking to seek approval, which I refuse to give him.

Sorry it was soooooooo long but I hope it was worth the read and you found some humor in it.

* Depend-a-saurus: Is a dependent who calls all of the shots in the marriage, it can be likened to a "Wife wearing the pants"
* Depend-a-pottamus: Is a dependent who doesn't do anything.
*Allison is not her name.

Creature Feature and Shinies!

Oh my stars.   A water horse.   I would have posted creatures from last week, but they all met their demise, I wasn't satisfied with any of them, they were hideous.    This little guy is different than my usually I tried to emulate more of Becca Golins' style with the clay eyes and hand painting more of the details versus Christ Freisen who does most of the details either out of clay or with a texture...I am more confident with a paint brush and I think for my first go of it it turned out pretty dang cute. You can see much more of Becca's amazing work here.

 http://dragonsandbeasties.deviantart.com/

Her gallery is totally worth your time to peek at.

I made a little forest wyrm...but I so of hate it and it needs more paint, so you'll see it next week, if it doesn't end up in the garbage.

And now for Shinies!

Betsy Johnson inspired.  I love her jewelry...but I don't buy jewelry unless it's from Longship Trade Goods usually.   The pendant is from the "Buds and Blooms" collection from Blue Moon Beads*  , the chain is from Beadalon and the red beads are glazed ceramic from "The Bead Gallery" by Halcraft.  All products were purchased at Michaels.

With my camera, lighting and knowledge of photography, I can't seem to get a clear shot of the abalone...but it's gorgeous. I've always loved abalone and how the colors swirl and stand out so much against the black.  Okay I don't love it enough to get an anklet with dolphins, but it's still really eye catching...even more so against black.  Both the pendant and the beads are all "The Bead Gallery" and also purchased at Michaels.

So much work, but so work it.  I want to do a whole Greek Goddess set, with this one being Artemis.   Czech glass beads and seed beads from Shipwreck Beads.  Oh how I miss that place.   The pattern came from the Jan  issue of Bead and Button magazine, I halfway want to try it with pearls  to make something really showy.  

Happy Marriage Ritual.

Before I get this thing started, Phil and I are stupid compatible, like Disney couples don't have anything on us...Maybe Ariel and Eric...maybe.  I know not every relationship is like ours, but that doesn't mean it can't be.  

Morning time.   He wakes up really early and as dedicated of a housewife as I try to be.  5 am breakfast isn't happening. ( He still gets a homemade breakfast usually made the night before.)  10-15 minutes before he leaves he comes back to bed and snuggles me, I admit I am mostly asleep but before he leaves the house he tells me he loves me and I am usually awake enough to give him a hug or put a hand on his face ( That is "pug" for I love you)

We have a mostly set schedule he comes home, we go to the gym, we come home, we shower.

Lotion time.  Phil and I both have stretch marks from gained weight during our teens and needless to say we hate them, so during our shower we do a mini scrub learned from the Korean ladies at the Olympus spa and after drying off we rub lotion on each other (it's now coconut oil, 'cause my order finally came in) it's non sexual (mostly, we ARE still newlyweds) but for the most part it's just a loving touch for each of us towards the end of our day, but it is everyday.  

Show time.  A half hour to an hour before bed we watch a show together on his half of the bed, because his half is warmer, a nice relaxing time with my partner before we have to part ways for a little while.

I'm not a marriage counselor, and Phil and I have been married for less than a year, but I firmly believe that the way we do things is what makes it so we never fight and always have time for each other.

The First Friday Creature Feature!

I decided blog posts are a good way to hold my crafting accountable so we'll try it out.

First out of the gate is a little dragon I made for Phil.

It took me more than a few tries to get a "fire" effect that I liked.   Just a Skinner blend even parts red and yellow.   I used some citrine beads as accents and a little copper bead as his eye. I used a mix of gold and burnt umber acrylic paint as the patina, and I think the final place will be dangling from the rear view mirror.

This creature is my first Octopus done in the style of Christi Friesen from her book, "Under the Sea."  Chocolate pearls for eyes...not actual chocolate 'cause that'd melt in the oven.  This is the first time I used liquid Sculpey for anything other than frosting a polymer cake. I think I'm going to add some on top of the Octo, to give him, hopefully it'll turn out more like water droplets, I'm pretty new to clay, so more often than out it's a cross your fingers game.

I love the Christi Friesen books.   LOVE THEM, her books have been the single best push to use my own creativity and a real boost to my confidence with polymer clay.  Her gallery and products are located here.

www.cforiginals.com

I recommend them to anyone wanting to try polymer clay, her style of writing is humorous and every project is pretty well open to interpretation.

New Year's and That Guy.

This actually starts on New Year's Eve, and continues on into New Years day.   We purchased some little fireworks to light off, and invited the That Guy and his friends to come down and shoot some off if they wanted.   It's going pretty well until he drops a big 'ol firecracker into the building's compost bin.

Elena: The compost?  Really?

Phil: Yeah, maybe let's not do that...

That Guy: These things are super heat resistant it's fine.

Last time I checked the compost bin was made of regular plastic, so unless German plastic is radically different than any other plastic, I think it's safe to say that the bin was a poor choice to put a firecracker in.

Until he put one in our barbecue, no asking, no forewarning, just the metallic boom of our barbecue.   It's not really "ours" the previous tenant left it so I'm not mad.

All in all the night went pretty smoothly.

The next morning while Phil and I are enjoying the last day of vacation we get a knock on the door.

That Guy:  Oh man I am sooooo hungover, can I come in?

Phil: Sure yeah.

That Guy: Do you have any coffee?

Elena: Yeah do you want me to make you a cup?

That Guy:  No I got it.

He then makes himself a pot of coffee and then three eggs.

In my kitchen, like it's second nature.  I'm looking at my husband, he's shrugging so I guess this is okay, the oddest thing about it, is that he has houseguests at his own apartment and he is making himself breakfast in ours.

An hour or so later he finally leaves and Phil and I continue our day together.

6 hours later, another knock at the door.

That Guy:  Hey man it's me.

Phil lets him in because both Phil and I are painfully hospitable, I offer to warm him up some soup and instead he makes himself a few knackigs ( sort of sausage thing)  He doesn't hurt anything (mostly) and he is nice enough, but it's the second meal he's cooked in our kitchen for himself with our food.  No harm, no foul (mostly,  He melted the end of my sweet lettuce chopper, but we didn't discover this until later)

I start doing the dishes and after he finishes and comes into the kitchen.

That Guy: So where do you want this?

Elena: The counter is fine I'm already doing the dishes one more won't hurt

That Guy: Philly, you're such a lazy bastard how come you never help your wife?

Elena:  Because he goes to work and makes the money.

That Guy: I need to marry a girl like you.

Elena: Good Luck

Phil: Yup Girls like her are few and far between.

That Guy: Hey do you mind if I get comfortable?

Phil: Go ahead man.

That guy proceeds to take his shirt off and hang out in one of our wingback chairs.

(While Phil is using the restroom)

I look over at him and he is jiggling his pec.

That Guy: Hey you wanna feel 'em?

Elena:  Naw I'm good.

He continues to flex his chest and we put on Better Off Dead.  Every time the antagonist comes on screen and is snarky he tells us  " I would punch that guy in the teeth" or "Man all you gotta do is sucker punch and BOOM"   Every. Single. Time, that the character is on screen.

I do honestly feel bad for the guy though, he's obviously lonely and he must have low self esteem if he needs to vocally assert his masculinity that often.  So we will keep having him over and feeding him, if only to provide you with entertainment.

Trier

A little while ago we had the opportunity to go to the gorgeous city of Trier, and while driving on the Autobahn can sometimes be nerve-wracking, the scenery is always delightful.  Rolling hills covered with vineyards, red roofed villages dotting along the Rhine, a lot of the time we do drive through the country it feels a little like taking a step in the past, where skyscrapers aren't towering over you and suburbia doesn't exist.  Just quiet, beautiful country...I think that is why the transition has been so easy.

Anyways, back to Trier.

All though there is a Christmas Market, the real reason we wanted to see Trier, is that it's the oldest city in Germany, complete with Roman ruins.

This is "The Black Gate," note the bottom of the picture to see how small people are in comparison.  It's huge, it's magnificent, it's breathtaking.  I am used to being enamored with large natural wonders on account of being in Mount Rainier's backyard, but this building is so different from anything I've ever experienced in my life.  Aside from native petroglyphs, this is the oldest man-made structure I have ever seen...and it's quite possible that this building is much older than the petroglyphs at Ozette park.

The only funny thing about The Black Gate, is that it's across from a hotel and a car dealership in the center of town.

On an unrelated note, due to the popularity of my "Roommate Chronicles" I will be posting a new feature monthly, maybe every two weeks about "That Guy."  It's definitely going to be worth your time.